


if only i was yours

by Affectionthawsfrozenhearts, daydreamingstoryteller, girlwithpassion



Category: Shubh Mangal Zyada Saavdhan (2020)
Genre: Happy Ending, Idiots in Love, M/M, Miscommunication, Mutual Pining, co-written with daydreamingstoryteller and affectionthawsfrozenhearts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-05
Updated: 2020-03-05
Packaged: 2021-02-28 22:53:50
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,712
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23025091
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Affectionthawsfrozenhearts/pseuds/Affectionthawsfrozenhearts, https://archiveofourown.org/users/daydreamingstoryteller/pseuds/daydreamingstoryteller, https://archiveofourown.org/users/girlwithpassion/pseuds/girlwithpassion
Summary: Kartik and Aman are flatmates, best friends and Aman is madly in love with Kartik but he already has a boyfriend – Vansh; who is a really lovely person but Aman can't help but to feel jealous wishing it was him beside Kartik and not that Vansh. (AU)
Relationships: Kartik Singh/Aman Tripathi, Kartik Singh/Original Character
Comments: 6
Kudos: 50





	if only i was yours

**Author's Note:**

> So... it was just an AU idea that suddenly turned into a full OS. Written by beautiful and wonderful 'daydreamingstoryteller' (@legendarilymessedup) and 'affectionthawsfrozenhearts' (@doesitmatteranyway) We had fun writing it, I hope you all have fun reading it. :)

Kartik and Aman are flatmates, best friends and Aman is madly in love with Kartik but he already has a boyfriend – Vansh; who is a really lovely person but Aman can't help but to feel jealous wishing it was him beside Kartik and not that Vansh.

But little does he know that Kartik and Vansh aren't Actually dating. Kartik's friend came out to his family but before the family could meet the boyfriend they broke up. So Kartik being the amazing friend he is, decided to help him out by pretending to be his boyfriend. It started out as a small joke that he kept secret from everyone - even Aman- until suddenly it had been 3 months and the ruse was still going on. They had everyone fooled. Even the person Kartik was completely in love with - Aman.

Kartik speaks to Vansh and tells him they should break it off soon, end the ruse because it cannot go on any longer. Vansh begs Kartik for just 2 more weeks and then they will end it, Kartik reluctantly agrees. He comes home to find Aman not is good mood, which had been happening a lot recently but when we would ask Aman, he wouldn't get a straight answer from him.

He tried again for a while, but after the third time Amam brushed it off and left the room, Kartik gave up. Every now and then thou, Kartik would catch Aman looking at him in a frown. But the moment Kartik meets Aman's eyes Aman would turn away. A terrifying thought popped into Kartik's mind one night. 'does he know that I’m in love with him?'

The thought scares Kartik to his core, it cannot happen not yet. He cannot lose Aman over this. He would rather have his best friend and be in love with his secretly than not having him in his life at all.

"Aman kya baat hai? Maine kuch kiya kya?" Aman looks at him in surprise. (What's going on, Aman? Did I do something wrong?)

"Agar kiya hai toh I'm so sorry, par aise nazar toh mat churao mujhse." Kartik doesn't know what he says that but his heart can't take it when Aman looks away from him. (If I did something wrong, I am so sorry. Please don't turn away from me like this.)

"Pagal... aisa kuch nahi hai." (Pagal, it's nothing like that.)

"Toh phir?" (Then?)

Aman doesn't know how to answer him, all he wants to do is wrap his arms around this wonderful man and never let him go unfortunately he cannot do that.

Kartik looked at him his eyes looked moist. Aman couldn't bear it, he couldn't even bear the thought of hurting Kartik, but... What else could he do? He wanted Kartik to be happy even if it meant it had to be without him.

"Arre yaar, woh ghar wale phir sab shaadi ke liye force kar rahe hai.” (Actually, my family is nagging me about getting married again.)

" Toh mujse kyu najar chura raha hai?” (Then why are you not looking me in the eye?)

" Woh... chod na yaar…” Aman looked away intending to leave. When Kartik grabbed his wrist forcing him to look back. (Leave it.)

"Aman aisa mat kar please Meri bat sun-" but before he could complete his sentence, his phone rang. It was Vansh. (Aman please don't do this to me listen to me-)

"Jaa baat kar apne boyfriend se kuch important hoga...” with this, Aman shook his wrist free and walked towards his room. Leaving Kartik to stand in the now empty living room with tears in his eyes. (Go talk to your boyfriend there must be something important.)

Aman didn't see those tears though. He turned his back to Kartik and went straight to his room. The moment the door closed he slid down to the floor, back against the wall that was the only thing separating him from the love of his life. The love of his life who he could still hear through the thin walls.

"Haan, mummy. Nahi Vansh is just joking, Mummy. Ah yes, yes. I'll come by the house later. Haan mummy."

Aman clenched his eyes shut and tried to bury his face in his knees. He can't bear to listen to Kartik talk to Vansh's family. Not when all he could think about and imagine was Kartik talking to his mom like that. Kartik coming to visit Allahabad with him, Karthik teasing Chacha together with Goggle.... He couldn't bear it. He got up from the floor and immediately threw himself into the bed; his tears already hitting the pillows as he buries his head and his feelings of love under them.

Kartik in the other room cannot shake off the feeling that something is seriously wrong with Aman. As soon he hangs up, Kartik knocks on Aman's door.

"Aman?" When he doesn't get an answer, he tries again.

"Aman, open the damn door. Baat kar mujhe kya howa hai." Still no reply but Kartik is adamant to get Aman to talk today no matter what. (Talk to me. What happened?)

"Bahar aa na, baat kar mujhse please." Kartik's voice carries so much affection and pain together that Aman can feel himself giving in. (Come out please, talk to me.)

Maybe he could be content with being best friends forever... he could be the best supporting bud in the entire world looking out for the man he secretly loved.

He opened the door just a crack, just enough so that he could see a silver of Kartik's face.

As soon as the door opened, Kartik sprang into action, trying to get Aman to open it wider.

"Aman please.. please mujse baat kar kuch bhi ho haam sort kar lenge.” (Aman please talk to me, whatever it is, we'll sort it out).

On the other side, Aman knees almost buckled under him, he couldn't figure out why was Kartik crying? ‘Why is he...’ Before he knew what, he was doing, he had pulled Kartik in to a hug, kartik melted into him sobbing into his shoulder

" Aman Aman I.. I just... Please.." chocked words to escaped Kartik's throat.

"Shhhh shhh.... It's ok, I'm right here, right here with you.... Calm down right here." Frantic reassuring whispers resounded in the quite room.

Eventually, they both ended up in a pile of slowing chocked sobs on the floor, Kartik held onto Aman and Aman stroked his hair. Aman was not even aware when tears had started to leak out of his eyes as well.

They shared intimacy for a while. But then Aman's thoughts started kicking back in, he shouldn't be touching kartik like this, he was committed he couldn't.

"Kartik.. Kartik meri taraf dekh na.” Kartik looked up from Aman's shoulder. (Kartik, look at me.) 

All of a sudden, it felt like everything else disappeared. Kartik looked up and the minute he focused on Aman's tearful eyes he swears his heart skipped a few beats.

Aman wasn't any better, the moment Kartik looked at him with that heartbroken look and tearful eyes, Aman forgot what he was trying to say. He got sucked into the endless abyss. He was drowning and he didn't know if he could swim back up. Didn't know if he wanted to. They stayed there looking at each other for a while, until the sound of a message from Kartik's phone broke their moment.

As if someone had shocked them, Kartik and Aman pulled away from each other, disgusted with themselves. Kartik couldn't believe he had done that and was worried that his love for Aman will make Aman leave. Aman, couldn't believe that he had almost come close to ruining both Karthik's relationship and their friendship.

Aman got up and left. He did not know where he was heading but he left. The dimming sun and rising moon provided a gloomy backdrop as he walked down his street. The chilly air cooling his face and the now dry tears.

On the other hand, Kartik was left right on the floor of Aman's bedroom. He curled himself up in a tight ball wishing it would all just go away, disappear and he would wake up to a happy smiling Aman calling him for breakfast he wished it were all a nightmare just like the ones he had of his father beating him and his "friends" abusing him. But he knew It would never happen. All he could do was hug his knees even closer to his chest and sob. Cry like he hadn't in a long while.

Kartik's phone is ringing, he lets it ring. It stops but then ringing starts again. He finally picks up and it's Vansh on the other side.

"It's over, Vansh."

"Kartik, what happened?"

"I just... I am not in good place yaar, I can't do this anymore."

"Okay.. we will end it, just see me once."

"No... I can't. I just... I need break, Vansh. I am sorry. Just tell your family we broke off. Sorry."

With this he hangs up and turns off his phone. His inner turmoil is killing him, Kartik doesn't know what to do or what is going on. He just knows that he cannot lose Aman.

He lets his phone drop to the ground as he silently weeps. He leans against the wall and curls into himself. He thinks about how Aman had left immediately after their little emotional scene and knows in his heart that there's no hiding his feelings anymore. The thought of telling Aman scares him. Even though he's convinced that Aman already knows. If not then why would his best friend leave him? Why would Aman leave if not for how disgusted he is with Kartik being in love him?

Kartik doesn't know how long he sits there but after a while, he hears the main door open. Steeling himself for what he's about to say and do, he slowly wipes his dried tears and turns around. But before he could even look at Aman, Aman speaks first.

"I'm in love with someone." Aman declares, voice shaking but firm. "But It's never going to work out. And, mummy, papa keep bothering me about marriage, so I was upset. And... and seeing you with Vansh made me jealous. Because I'll never have that. It's nothing you did Kartik. It's just me and my dumb feelings for someone I don't deserve."

It was as if his heat had broken into a million pieces. But this time, tears did not roll down they couldn't, Kartik had been wrong dry. Instead, he stood up on unsteady legs to the love life his life, and smiled.

"Thik hai phir... As you say" he walked past Aman who lingered at the door frame. He looked back.

“Between, I'm sorry, me and Vansh are not working out so we decided to break up. I, too am in love with someone, who in turn hates me. I was a little overwhelmed by all of that, sorry I did what I did... Sorry... I… happened. Good night, Aman."

With these final words, Kartik stepped into his room. He couldn't even bother to lock it behind him.

That's when it started, a feeling of sweat trickling over his body and his breath started coming out in gasps, the last thing he remembered was hearing a loud noise and Aman rushing into the room before he blacked out.

When Kartik opens his eyes, finds himself on bed with a feeling that someone is holding his hand. He turns to see Aman is sitting on his bed beside him while holding his hand. His eyes are closed but cheeks are wet with tears.

"Aman. Kya howa?" Hearing his voice Aman's eyes shoot open and he looks down at Kartik, with fresh tears in his eyes. (What happened?)

"ThankGod, Kartik... tumne toh mujhe darra hi diya tha. Tum aik dam se behosh hogaye." (You really scared me. You just fainted suddenly.)

"Haan woh thora yaad..."

"Stress ki wajah se howa hai. Mujhe sab sach batao, kon hai woh jisse tum pyaar karte ho aur woh tumse nafrat? Bhala aisa bhi koi ho sakta hai kya es duniya mein?" (It happened due to stress. Now, tell me the truth who do you love and he hates you instead. Does anyone like this even exist who would hate you?)

Kartik looks at Aman. He sees the exhaustion in his body and the pain in eyes. He sees how much he's hurt Aman and suddenly he's given up too. He forgets why he even kept the secret up. This is Aman. His Aman. His best friend even though that's all they'll ever be. After the pain he's put Aman through, Kartik owes him that much at least. He owes Aman the truth. But his traitorous heart still tries to hold on to the last few minutes of their friendship. He looks at Aman and says softly.

“He doesn't hate me. Yet. But...before I tell you, you tell me who is it that you're in love with. How could anyone possibly not love you? Tell me, na? I didn't even know I was hurting you. I’m sorry Aman."

Aman stills. He knows what Kartik is asking is fair but, how could Aman - how could he destroy the one good thing in his life? But looking at Kartik's worn face, seeing the fight leave Kartik made Aman falter. He sighed. He had to be honest. He wouldn't be able to live with himself if he lied to Kartik now. He took in a deep breath trying to calm his nerves and stifle the urge to lie again.

" Umm.. ek second. Rhis is difficult. Ok so ..." Clenching his eyes shut and turned his head away from Kartik.

"I might be in love with you.” Silence.

‘No no no. I AM in love with you... A lot, I love you. I want to hold your hand and never let go of it, I want to hold you forever more and never leave you alone, never leave you to faint like that, never make you feel like you are alone in the world and never ever, ever let go of you." Aman slowed to a stop. Little by little he opened his eyes only to witness a sight that is forever imprinted on his mind. Kartik was sitting up and looking at him with such love and adoration that he felt as if HE might faint.

"Aman... I love you too! I thought you always knew and we're disgusted by it!" Kartik reached out and grasped his hands. Aman pulled Kartik in for a hug. They stayed like that for a while, just embracing each other and whispering sweet nothings.

"Tujhe aisa lag bhi kaise sakta hai ki tu mujhe disgusting lagega?" Aman said after a while pulling Kartik from the embrace. (How could you even thinking that I’ll disgusted of you?)

"Sorry... I thought ke tujhe sab pata hai." (Sorry, I thought you knew everything.)

"Phir sorry mat bolna, I love you okay, you can always talk to me." (Don’t say sorry again.)

Kartik still couldn't believe it but the man he had loved and pinned for for so long actually loved him back.

"Hey, itne door mat ja na, yahan aa" (Hey, don’t be lost on me, come back here.)

Aman's voice pierced through his thoughts. Aman was laying on his bed arms open in invitation. Kartik did not need to be told twice. And right there wrapped up in Aman's arms is where Kartik stayed for the rest of the night. And it felt so right.

Epilogue:

And finally, as they wake up to a new day and in the days that follow, they slowly open up to each other about everything else they've been afraid to say. There were tears of relief, of sorrow, and mostly just laughter when Kartik finally spills the truth about Vansh and him. And even though it took a while, Aman was finally okay with hanging out with Vansh. They even went on double dates with him and his new boyfriend. And if the story of Vansh and Kartik happens to come up, well… it does make for one very hilarious getting together story.


End file.
